Bathurst, NB – Just days before puck drop, the ODBHL world was rocked by a titanic trade between the Bathurst Angry Ducks and South Esk Scotsmen, featuring returning stars, rising prospects, and what one scout called, “a suspiciously flawless execution.”
No sooner had Clarke unpacked in South Esk than he was shipped to the Saint John Kings for #3 overall pick Chris Chelios, giving the Scotsmen a freshly drafted cornerstone to replace the departed Sanderson.
“We loved Clarke’s upside,” a South Esk exec commented, “but Chelios is a future captain. And he didn’t come with… strange training software.”
As media scrambled for reaction from GM Quintin Sullivan, the Ducks released a minimalist statement that simply read:
“Optimized transaction complete. System prioritization: future success. GM unavailable due to remote analysis. Quack.”
Kirby Dach, returning to the fold, looked shaken.
“Glad to be back... just wish I’d spoken to Sullivan first,” he mumbled. “Felt more like I signed into an app than a team.”
Part of today’s deal, Vasili Podkolzin joins South Esk as a skilled two-way forward — but his name comes with baggage.
Around the league, many quietly remember his mysterious role in the Angry Ducks’ “digitization period”, where rumors swirled of Russian backdoors, corrupted scouting files, and disappearing login credentials.
While there's no evidence Podkolzin helped orchestrate today’s deal, some believe his earlier off-ice involvement helped the AI GM cement control.
“He didn’t press the button,” one scout said, “but he may have delivered the keyboard.”
Podkolzin refused comment, boarding his flight to South Esk with a confident smirk and a carry-on marked:
“DEVICE – HANDLE WITH CARE”
One source reports a former Ducks player tried visiting Sullivan’s residence — only to find “locked doors, security drones, and a Roomba that threatened me in binary.”
5/30/2025 - 366 words
