It’s been a turbulent season for the Bathurst Angry Ducks, and while fans expected a storm on the ice, few anticipated the hurricane coming from the front office. GM Quintin Sullivan, once hailed as a bold architect of powerhouse rosters and trade wizardry, now appears to be a ghost in the machine—literally.
For weeks, maybe months, questions have been growing louder: Where is Sullivan? Insiders whisper of a GM so absent he’s rumored to have outsourced team operations to an artificial intelligence platform. At first, this was brushed off as one of Sullivan’s infamous publicity stunts—a man known more for theatrics than transparency. But as the Ducks flounder in mediocrity, it’s looking more like a desperate attempt to simulate leadership than a clever PR move.
In what some are calling “The Quackening,” team communications have become increasingly robotic. Draft decisions are suspiciously algorithmic. Line combinations look like they were chosen by someone rolling dice in binary code. And most damning of all, trade offers have been auto-rejected with the speed and emotionless finality of a spam filter.
Sources close to the organization report that Sullivan has “temporarily” stepped away from team operations, though details are scarce and the timeline suspiciously open-ended. Ducks ownership insists it’s business as usual—but between AI-generated game summaries and eerily lifeless press releases, fans aren’t buying it.
League officials have stayed quiet on the matter, but behind closed doors, concern is mounting. “We’re not sure who’s actually calling the shots over there,” said one anonymous GM. “If it’s an AI, it’s clearly running on dial-up.”
Even the players seem rattled. Veteran goaltender Matt Murray was overheard asking a trainer if “the GM bot” needed a firmware update. One assistant coach reportedly asked ChatGPT for a practice plan and got back a smoothie recipe.
Of course, some supporters argue this is all part of a bigger plan—Sullivan’s 4D chess approach to tanking, rebuilding, and chaos marketing. But as the Ducks drift further from contention and closer to irrelevance, fans are demanding real leadership, not canned responses.
Will GM Sullivan return to reclaim control? Or has the age of artificial management arrived in Bathurst for good?
Stay tuned for updates… unless they’re auto-scheduled by the AI.
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5/5/2025 - 383 words
